WARNING for the Wary: YOU REALLY SHOULD BE ABLE TO SPEAK A Little Spanish
before getting yourself lost on the bus system in Tijuana.
ADVICE for the Adventurous: Have Fun!
The city busses in Tijuana DO NOT come equiped with maps and schedules to
tell you where and when and how. Fortunately, they DO run on set routes
and the bus route you ride today will probably be running tomorrow.
THE TRICK IS finding out which bus goes where!
((BUT First, OF COURSE (or rather on-course) YOU have to Know Where
You are Going, eh? Consider reading our
labyrinthine geography, TJmaptext, as if you
dare waste any moreeeeee time on the computer....))
Once you Know Where YOU are going, then You Only Need Go Figure HOW To Tell
WHERE A Bus Is Going, and, well, Ask the Driver! BUT, What If you don't speak
Spanish... or if the bus is zooming toward you and won't stop unless you
wave it down... what do you do?
Answer: LOOK ON THE WINDSHIELD. Practically every bus will have its chief
destination or destinations posted on a small sign, or written in soap
right onto the windshield.
(By the way... sometimes you can trust the traditional Destination Signs ABOVE
the windshield, and sometimes Not. We have seen modern digital dot signs above
the windshield still spelling out Destinations in Orange County or the Suburbs
of San Francisco... ahem. This bus has been taken to Mexico. Sold South of the
border to Tijuana. Help!)
We repeat:
YOU WILL NEED TO KNOW:
(1) Where You Are Going VERY IMPORTANT, If You Don't Know
where you are going, well... hmmmm. Read some more here and pick a spot. What's
that? You want Mikey to tell you where he likes it? Go to the beach. Look at the
Guardian fence plunging into the sea. "Border friendship park" heh heh ha ha
more like border paranoia parkanoia oh yeah.
(2) Once you know where you want to go, then you will need to know:
What Is The Important
Destination There or Beyond There which the driver would recognize or know
about, and
(3) What Are The Bus Abbreviations
-- "CAM CEN" or "CAM CENTRAL" means Camionera Central (the main bus station
and an important destination for all travelers), "AERPTO" means aeropuerto
(airport), "PAL" or "PALACIO" means City Hall, "PZA RIO" means the Plaza Rio
shopping center in the River Zone (across the street from CECUT and three
blocks from Mercado Hidalgo) and "CENTRO" means downtown.
There is another way to know where a bus is going -- listen for the greeter
to shout out the destination. Many busses come equiped with
friends/acquaintances/helpers of the driver, or hucksters looking for tips,
who jump on and off the busses at important stops and shout out the
destination. Often these are the singers, entertainers, donation
solicitors, who work/entertain the busses, performing this info-service
for the driver in exchange for a free ride and the chance to perform for
tips. EXAMPLE: at the "LINEA" bus stop near the border (next
to a traffic circle beyond the Sea of Taxis and Island of Tacos) you will
hear a constant stream of shouting, "Centro Tercera, subile subile..."
which means "downtown Third Street, get onboard, get onboard." Those,
incidentally, are the busses which will drop you near Revolución
Avenue.
If you aren't willing to play this game of reading moving windshields or
listening to the bus shouters, we suggest that you consider hiring a
Taxi to take you wherever you are going.
At least you can be sure you will get where you want to go, although it
will cost you ten (or twenty, thirty) times more than a bus.
(If you don't speak Spanish,
talk with your driver BEFORE getting into his cab, to make sure you
understand him and he understands you. Bargain before getting in.
And when you get out, don't forget to tip him for whatever courtesy
he has shown you. Especially if he takes you downtown for less than
five dollars).
(2004 SPECIAL UPDATE: The recent appearance of the "Taxi Libre" fleet has
radically changed the taxi situation. Please see our
Taxi page taxrut01.htm
for more info. [Nerds and 'puter geeks may also browse like bueyes directly
on the directory "bones" {omaigad but we love
digressions like this, eh? Eh.} eh-heh] ditto eh heh heh heh.)
In addition to your standard big-city bus, there are also hordes of
minibusses and extended-vanbusses going every whichway. They too will have
their destinations written or posted in the front window. These little
busses are collectively known as Calafias -- a curious name with a separate
history.
We emphasize again that the cost for a taxi is often worth the expense,
considering the ease of access -- and knowledge of the city -- which the
drivers can offer you. Many speak good English, too. With that, we put
on our Pontius Pilate mask and effectively/affectedly wash our hands clean
of any bloody bonesgut guilt for
getting you lost and kidnapped and raped and murdered in the distant
hinterlands of further Tijuanangeles where drug gangs will stop shooting
each other to say hey, what's that pretty little gringo ass doing out
here? (THIS self-serving EXAGERRATION and hyperbolic prevarication
HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY gringo-fear Incorporated,
making your world a leeeeettle more paranoid, señorita, eh?)
But getting back on track with a major token for the clue bus, if you
DO speak a little Spanish, the fact remains that during the day,
bus service is excellent, although crowded at rush hour, like big cities
anywhere. And there are the added benefits of
- on-board entertainment,
- occasional snack service sales,
- body odor,
- sometime disco-lighting effects and...
Well, go ahead, don't believe it... the bus is not a scene, a culture,
a world wholly unto itself. We didn't either until we got onboard.
You may also during your trip (especially on the routes over the river
and through the streets to downtownmother's house we go... I mean from
the border traffic circle beyond the island of tacos) you may also see
loudmouthed Gringos making a spectacle of ourselves pretending we are SO
Incredibly Hip and Cool coming "down" to Tijuana and riding on the bus and
bla bla bla bla bla sex drugs rock & roll JUST LET Everyone know
we KNOW SO GODDAMM much about Tijuana.... (the ugly american
is not dead) (we the un-dead, rather). Ahem. Shut up, Danny. Okay, Mikey.